The Dakini Speaks

The Dakini Speaks by Joyce Wellwood:

My friends, let's grow up.
Let's stop pretending we don't know the deal here.
Or if we truly haven't noticed, let's wake up and notice.
Look: Everything that can be lost, will be lost.
It's simple - how could we have missed it for so long?
Let's grieve our losses fully, like human ripe beings.
But please, let's not be so shocked by them.
Let's not act so betrayed,
As though life had broken her secret promise to us.

Impermanence is life's only promise to us,
And she keeps it with ruthless impeccability.

To a child, she seems cruel, but she is only wild,
And her compassion exquisitely precise.
Brilliantly penetrating, luminous with truth,
She strips away the unreal to show us the real.
This is the true ride - let's give ourselves to it!
Let's stop making deals for a safe passage -
There isn't one anyway, and the cost is too high.
We are not children anymore.

The true human adult gives everything for what cannot be lost.
Let's dance the wild dance of no hope.

Returned from Cyberspace

My blog disappeared from blogger.com about 2 months ago without notice or a reason from them.  I sent e-mails to find out why my blog had been removed. Offensive? Solicitation? Spamming?  No reply.  I chalked it up to a lesson in non-attachment and resisted the urge to start a new blog.  Well...this evening I saw the link in my favorites and thought I should check before I deleted it.  There it was again!  I'll just continue as if nothing happened.  I wonder if anyone noticed that I hadn't posted in over 2 months?  (Someone asked me about it in person.)
If the blog continues to exist for awhile, I'll try to post some of the happenings from the last two months: finished the Mountain Madness 50k last Saturday, continue to provide chaplain service @ Beth Israel hospital every Thursday, shifted my yoga schedule a little, etc.
If you never hear from me again it could be due to a variety of reasons...let's just go with his blog was yanked again:) 
Here's some hard earned bling:

Update

I'ts been about a month since I updated this blog.  Like most of you, I've been busy this summer.  I've been accepted into the chaplaincy program with the New York Zen Center for Contemplative Care.  Starting in September, each Thursday, I will be a volunteer chaplain at Beth Israel Hospital in NYC.  Due to schedule conflicts with this program I have withdrawn from the Ironman Florida race in November.  I continue to train but have shifted my race plans.  I have registered to swim a 2.4 mile race in Colorado while I visit my family.  In October I will be participating in Mountain Madness.  This will be a 50k trail run in northern New Jersey.  I will cover 31 miles of roots, rocks, etc. with 7000 of elevation gain/loss.  I'll probably complete a 100 mile bike ride as a training exercise this fall.  This way I will still follow through on my plans to complete a substantial distance in each of the three disciplines during this year.
I will be sharing my thoughts on these events and my experiences at Beth Israel as time passes.
Have a beautiful evening.

In Between

I just completed my first year program of Buddhist chaplaincy.  I am in the process of applying for the second year program.  This last year has been a wonderful experience.  During the program I have written poetry and short stories, painted and shared it all in public.  Finding the courage to share more than just surface thoughts and emotions has been transformational.  By doing this self-exploration I will be better able to sit with others who are in pain, suffering, dying, etc.  I must first work on myself and understand myself before I can help anyone else.  So, I move in between...working on understanding myself and moving to understand others.  Learning to be fully present and listening is key to understanding.  Letting go of expectations, the stories we tell ourselves, our history, our "personality"...and really paying attention to what is going on...not what I expect will happen (the mind loves to race ahead so we can plan our responses).
Here's a poem I wrote, "Bearing Witness", that was inspired by sitting with a person who is dying:

Sitting much closer to Death than I had planned,

I take my seat and listen.

Short bursts of words and emotions…heavy silence.

Another burst of words replaying a life of regrets.

She realizes it’s all passing and it won’t slow down

or stop while she fixes her hair.

Regrets and anxiety jockey for position.

Waiting.  Waiting.

The Elephant

From the Dhammapada:

"Patiently I shall bear harsh words as the elephant bears arrows on the battlefield.  People are often inconsiderate.
Be vigilant; guard your mind against negative thoughts.  Pull yourself out of bad ways as an elephant raises itself out of the mud."

Be patient. Be persistent.

What Am I Afraid To Lose?

Spent today in NYC at the Buddhist Zendo.  One of our topics for study today was anticipatory grief.  It's how we rehearse or prepare ourselves for an event: the death of someone or a loved one who is very ill, possibly our own death.  One of the exercises was to write a poem in 15 minutes and then read it out loud.  The topic of the poem was: What Am I Afraid To Lose?  Here's mine:

Sitting here safe, warm and full with beautiful people.
What am I afraid to lose?
Projecting thoughts of gloom and doom.
What am I afraid to lose?
Looking back at things long gone.
What am I afraid to lose?
A functioning body and dreams unfulfilled,
Memories and cognitive skills.
To know you are there with no words spoken,
Lying here, promises unbroken.
What am I afraid to lose?
To share my thoughts, to pick and choose.
To be in the kitchen, not the dying room.
What am I afraid to lose?

What's Behind the Curtain?

If you have the opportunity to be angry it can provide a lesson.  If you can detach from your anger for a moment (let it keep swelling on it's own...it will stay without much prompting) try to discover what is underneath or behind the anger.  Ask yourself why you are angry.  "Well, that guy cut me off!  Doesn't he know how to drive?  How rude!"  Is that really it?  Were you truly in danger or did you just feel offended that he did not show you proper respect by encroaching on "your" space.  Did he violate one of your pet peeves, was it an act of aggression or simply an unaware person in a hurry?  We may not know without interviewing them but what we do have is our response.  Why did I get angry?  How long should I stay angry?  How angry should I get?  "Let's see...we were driving at 40 mph...he passed me in a no passing zone...cut back in within about a car length...ummm...okay, I'll be moderately mad for about 10 minutes."  I don't think that we are that analytical about our reactions most of the time.  We let it continue as long as we can derive something from it: justification, superiority or just enjoying our rage at the stupidity of mankind.  It doesn't mean that his driving was appropriate or that you should not have emotions...I'm suggesting that we take all of these things (fun and not-so-fun) and explore what lessons are behind the curtains of our experience.